Fishing Jokes

Young Harold was late for Sunday school and the minister inquired the cause. "I was going fishing, but father wouldn't let me," announced the lad.

"That's the right kind of a father to have," replied the reverend gentleman. "Did he explain the reason why he would not let you go?"

"Yes, sir. He said there wasn't bait enough for two."

Lady (to small boy who is fishing): I wonder what your father would say if he caught you fishing on Sunday?

Boy: I don't know. You'd better ask him. That's him a little farther up the stream.

Two small boys went fishing and while one of them was having good luck, the other didn't even get a bite. The unlucky lad silently began to make preparation for departure. "Aw, wait a while," urged the other. "You might be lucky if you keep at it."

"There ain't no use," was the disgusted reply, "my darned worm ain't tryin'."

Gabe: What are you going back to that place for this summer? Why, last year it was all mosquitoes and no fishing.

Steve: The owner tells me that he has crossed the mosquitoes with the fish, and guarantees a bite every second.

"I once saw a man at a meeting of a mothers' club."

"That's nothing; I once saw a teetotaler on a fishing trip."

"Doin' any good?" asked the curious individual on the bridge.

"Any good?" answered the fisherman, in the creek below. "Why, I caught forty bass out o' here yesterday."

"Say, do you know who I am?" asked the man on the bridge.

The fisherman replied that he did not.

"Well, I am the county fish and game warden."

The angler, after a moment's thought, exclaimed, "Say, do you know who I am?"

"No," the officer replied.

"Well, I'm the biggest liar in eastern Indiana," said the crafty angler, with a grin.

Belleville: Is Glenshaw getting ready for the fishing season?

Butler: Well, I saw him buying an enlarging device for his camera.

A man was telling some friends about a proposed fishing trip to a lake in Colorado which he had in contemplation.

"Are there any trout out there?" asked one friend.

"Thousands of 'em," replied Mr. Wharry.

"Will they bite easily?" asked another friend.

"Will they?" said Mr. Wharry. "Why, they're absolutely vicious. A man has to hide behind a tree to bait a hook."

"My dear, why are you saving those old flypapers?"

"Why, you said you always have to buy flies when you go fishing."

"Cheer up, old man! There's other fish in the sea."

Rejected suitor: "Yes, but the last one took all my bait!"

"I believe," said the impatient man, as he put aside the telephone, "that I'll go fishing."

"Didn't know you cared for fishing."

"I don't ordinarily. But it's the only chance I have of finding myself at the end of a line that isn't busy."

Mr. Bixby: Have you noticed how much better I rest after a day's fishing?

Mrs. Bixby: No; but I have noticed how much easier you lie after a day's fishing than upon other days.

"Your husband seems to be very impatient lately."

"Yes, he is, very."

"What is the matter with him?"

"He is getting tired waiting for a chance to get out where he can sit patiently hour after hour waiting for a fish to nibble at his bait."

"This theory about fish being brain food is all nonsense."

"Why do you say so?"

"Because the greatest number of fish are eaten by the very people who are idiots enough to sit out all day waiting for them to bite."

One Hoyt was fishing from the banks of a stream when there approached him an individual named Gates, who remarked, with a yawn: "Time ain't very valuable to you, brother, that's plain. Here I been a-watchin' you three hours and you ain't had a bite."

"Well," drawled the fisherman, "my time's too valuable, anyhow, to waste three hours of it watchin' a feller fish that ain't gettin' a bite."

A returned vacationist tells us that he was fishing in a pond one day when a country boy who had been watching him from a distance approached him and asked: "How many fish you got, mister?"

"None yet," he was told.

"Well, you ain't doin' so bad," said the youngster. "I know a feller what fished here for two weeks an' he didn't get any more than you got in half an hour."

"You'll be a man like one of us someday," said the patronizing sportsman to a lad who was throwing his line into the same stream.

"Yes, sir," he answered, "I suppose I will someday, but I believe I'd rather stay small and catch a few fish."

The late Justice Brewer was with a party of New York friends on a fishing trip in the Adirondacks, and around the campfire one evening the talk naturally ran on big fish. When it came his turn the jurist began, uncertain as to how he was going to come out:

"We were fishing one time on the Grand Banks for—er—for—"

"Whales," somebody suggested.

"No," said the Justice, "we were baiting with whales."

At the birth of President Cleveland's second child no scales could be found to weigh the baby. Finally the scales that the President always used to weigh the fish he caught on his trips were brought up from the cellar, and the child was found to weigh twenty-five pounds.

Smith the other day went fishing. He caught nothing, so on his way back home he telephoned to his provision dealer to send a dozen of bass around to his house.

He got home late himself. His wife said to him on his arrival:

"Well, what luck?"

"Why, splendid luck, of course," he replied. "Didn't the boy bring that dozen bass I gave him?"

Mrs. Smith started. Then she smiled.

"Well, yes, I suppose he did," she said. "There they are."

And she showed poor Smith a dozen bottles of Bass's ale.

"Hello, Millett," called out a neighbor one morning. "I saw you starting away yesterday morning very early on your fishing trip. Did you have any luck?"

"Great!" was the reply. "While I was away three collectors called."

"I got a bite—I got a bite!" sang out a tiny girl member of a fishing party. But when an older brother hurriedly drew in the line there was only a bare hook. "Where's the fish?" he asked. "He unbit and div," said the child.

The young lady, who was something of a food fadist, was on a visit to a coast fishing village. She questioned her host as to the general diet of the natives, and was told that they subsisted almost entirely on fish. The girl protested:

"But fish is a brain food, and these folks are really the most unintelligent-looking that I ever saw."

"Mebbe so," the host agreed. "And just think what they'd look like if they didn't eat fish!"

A girl reading in a paper that fish was excellent brain food wrote to the editor:

Dear Sir: Seeing as you say how fish is good for the brains, what kind of fish shall I eat?

To this the editor replied:

Dear Miss: Judging from the composition of your letter I should advise you to eat a whale.

Little Elizabeth and her mother were having luncheon together, and the mother, who always tried to impress facts upon her young daughter, said:

"These little sardines, Elizabeth, are sometimes eaten by the larger fish."

Elizabeth gazed at the sardines in wonder, and then asked:

"But, mother, how do the large fish get the cans open?"

"Ma'am, here's a man at the door with a parcel for you."

"What is it, Bridget?"

"It's a fish, ma'am, and it's marked C.O.D."

"Then make the man take it back to the dealer. I ordered trout."

Jones: How'd this happen? The last time I was here you were running a fish market, and now you've got a cheese shop.

Smith: Yes. Well, you see the doctor said I needed a change of air.

What is the best way to keep fish from smelling?

Cut off their noses.

What part of a fish weighs most?

The scales.

Why must a fisherman be very wealthy?

Because his is all net profit.

What is the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?

One baits his hook, the other hates his book.

Why can you never expect a fishmonger to be generous?

Because his business makes him sell-fish.

Why are fish well educated?

They have a taste for going in schools.

How do little fish have a proper idea of business?

Not being able to do better, they start on a small scale.

What fish is most valued by a loving wife?

Her-ring.

Do you know Minnie Fish?

Yes, I'm going to drop her a line.

A boy in Sabetha, Kansas, was taken to task for missing Sunday school one Sunday. "I wanted to come," he said, "but Sunday was Mother's Day and mother wanted me to go fishing with her, so I went."