Horse Jokes

"What were you in for?" asked the friend.

"I found a horse."

"Found a horse? Nonsense! They wouldn't jug you for finding a horse."

"Well, but you see I found him before the owner lost him."

"I was down to the race track yesterday and played a horse 20 to 1."

"Well?"

"He didn't come in until quarter to six."

"He's a nice little horse (I saw him myself) and the dealer says I may have him for a song. Would you advise me to buy him?"

"That depends upon your eye for a horse and his ear for music."

"Please, I want to buy a dollar's worth of hay."

"Is it for your father?"

"Oh, no; it's for the horse; father doesn't eat hay!"

Two men thrown together at a horse show were discussing their adventures with the equine tribe.

"A horse ran away with me once, and I wasn't out for two months," remarked the man with the Trilby hat.

"That's nothing!" replied the man with the bowler. "I ran away with a horse once, and I wasn't out for two years!"

A city man, visiting a small country town, boarded a stage with two dilapidated horses, and found that he had no other currency than a five-dollar bill. This he proffered to the driver. The latter took it, looked it over for a moment or so, and then asked:

"Which horse do you want?"

A man was charged with stealing a horse, and after a long trial the jury acquitted him. Later in the day the man came back and asked the judge for a warrant against the lawyer who had successfully defended him.

"What's the charge?" inquired the judge.

"Why, Your Honor," replied the man, "you see, I didn't have the money to pay him his fee, so he took the horse I stole."

I went out to feed the horse this morning, and he had his bridle on and couldn't eat a bit.

A very nice and gentle minister accepted a call to a new church in a town where many of the members bred horses and sometimes raced them. A few weeks later he was asked to invite the prayers of the congregation for Lucy Grey. Willingly and gladly he did so for three Sundays. On the fourth one of the deacons told the minister he need not do it anymore.

"Why," asked the good man, with an anxious look, "is she dead?"

"Oh, no," said the deacon; "she's won the steeplechase."

"Well, George," said the president of the company to old George, "how goes it?"

"Fair to middlin', sir," George answered. And he continued to currycomb a bay horse.

"Me an' this here hoss," George said, suddenly, "has worked for your firm sixteen year."

"Well, well," said the president, thinking a little guiltily of George's salary. "And I suppose you are both pretty highly valued, George, eh?"

"H'm," said George, "the both of us was took sick last week, and they got a doctor for the hoss, but they just docked my pay."

A traveler in Indiana noticed that a farmer was having trouble with his horse. It would start, go slowly for a short distance, and then stop again. Thereupon the farmer would have great difficulty in getting it started. Finally the traveler approached and asked, solicitously:

"Is your horse sick?"

"Not as I knows of."

"Is he balky?"

"No. But he is so danged 'fraid I'll say whoa and he won't hear me, that he stops every once in a while to listen."

The old lady from the country and her small son were driving to town when a huge automobile bore down upon them. The horse was badly frightened and began to prance, whereupon the old lady leaped down and waved wildly to the chauffeur, screaming at the top of her voice.

The chauffeur stopped the car and offered to help get the horse past.

"That's all right," said the boy, who remained composedly in the carriage, "I can manage the horse. You just lead Mother past."

"What is there about betting on horse races that is so bad for the health?" said young Mrs. Brown.

"I never heard of anything," answered the visitor.

"Didn't you? Every time Charley makes a bet he comes home and says there is something wrong with his system."

"I was at the track today, Percy, and there was a horse down there with the itch. He came up to the post, and they scratched him."

A man thrown from a horse, the other day, said, as he picked himself up, that he thought he had improved in horsemanship, but, instead, had fallen off.

The only trouble with a 60-horsepower motor is that every darned horse balks at the same time.

"Do you think the motor will entirely supersede the horse?"

"I hope not," replied Farmer Corntossel. "There must be some market for hay. I depend on what I make on hay to buy gasoline."

What is more wonderful than a horse that can count?

A spelling bee.

Why does tying a slow horse to a post improve his pace?

It makes him fast.

How can it be proven that a horse has six legs?

Because he has fore legs in front and two behind.

What is the difference between a horse who, being entered for a race, is withdrawn, and one who starts in a race and is beaten?

One fails to start, and the other starts to fail.

Why is it impossible that there should be a best horse on a race course?

Because there is always a bettor.

How does the cavalryman whose horse has thrown him differ from the faithful orderly?

He obeys orders from hindquarters, while the orderly obeys orders from headquarters.

When a horse speaks, why does he do so always in the negative?

Because he neighs (nays).

Why should colts avoid exposure?

Because they might take cold and become a little horse (hoarse).

What is most like a horse's foot?

A mare's.

An irate customer complained to her butcher about finding pieces of rubber in the sausage meat and demanded an explanation. The butcher said, "It is only another proof of how the automobile is taking the place of the horse."

Some time ago, when a local corps was reviewed by Sir Ian Hamilton, one officer was mounted on a horse that had previously distinguished itself in a bakery business. Somebody recognized the horse, and shouted, "Baker!" The horse promptly stopped dead, and nothing could urge it on.

The situation was getting painful when the officer was struck with a brilliant idea, and remarked, "Not today, thank you." The procession then moved on.

Barnum drove a ten-in-hand through New York City, and his horses had only twenty-four feet among them. How was that?

They had twenty fore feet.

Who was first interested in horse racing?

Adam—he was the father of the race.

What is the principal part of a horse?

The mane (main) part.